We Underwrote Santa (And His Premiums Are Naughty)
We have some big news: McDonald Agencies is now officially offering Life Insurance.
To celebrate (and to test our new systems), we decided to stress-test our carriers by quoting the single highest-risk applicant on the planet.
Name: Kris Kringle
Occupation: CEO / Logistics / Extreme Alpinist
Age: 1,753 (Give or take a century)
Residence: The North Pole (Zone 1 Cold Climate)
From an underwriting perspective, Santa Claus is an absolute nightmare. But we figured if we could find coverage for a man who flies a wooden sleigh through international airspace without a radar, we can definitely find coverage for you.
Here is our official Risk Analysis for the man in the red suit.
1. The Health Profile: "A Bowl Full of Jelly"
Standard life insurance applications ask about height, weight, and diet.
The Client: Santa describes his physique as "festively plump." The actuary described it as "imminent cardiac event."
Diet: His caloric intake consists almost exclusively of refined sugars (cookies), full-fat dairy (milk), and the occasional candy cane, all consumed in a 24-hour global binge.
The Rating: We had to rate him heavily here. We’ve advised him to switch to the reindeer's carrot diet to get his premiums down for 2026.
2. Occupational Hazards: The Roof Walk
Most of us sit at desks. Santa lands a heavy vehicle on icy, sloped roofs in blizzard conditions, then jumps down a confined masonry shaft (chimney) filled with toxic soot and potentially lit fires.
The Risk: Slips, falls, smoke inhalation, and aggressive family dogs who don't recognize the uniform.
The Clause: We had to add a "Hazardous Hobby" exclusion. If he slips on a roof in Who-ville, he’s covered. If he gets stuck in a chimney because he had that extra shortbread cookie? That’s a grey area.
3. Aviation Risk: The Sleigh
Pilots pay more for insurance. Pilots who fly experimental, open-cockpit aircraft powered by magical livestock pay significantly more.
The Vehicle: The sleigh has no seatbelts, no airbags, and relies on "Rudolph’s Nose" for navigation, which is not FAA-approved.
The Commute: He visits 3 billion homes in one night, breaking the sound barrier repeatedly. The risk of a mid-air collision with a drone or a lost goose is statistically "Very High."
4. The "Key Person" Reality
Jokes aside, why does Santa need Life Insurance?
Mrs. Claus: She runs the entire backend operation. If the sleigh goes down over the Atlantic, she still has to heat the workshop, feed 900 elves, and maintain the reindeer herd. The mortgage on the North Pole isn't cheap (heating bills alone are staggering).
Income Replacement: Santa is the sole earner. Without his income, the entire global toy distribution supply chain collapses.
We managed to get him approved (though the monthly premium costs about 4 million candy canes).
The Reality Check: You might not fly a sleigh or slide down chimneys, but you probably drive the QEII in winter, which is statistically just as dangerous.
If you have a "Mrs. Claus" (or Mr. Claus) and little elves at home who rely on your income, you need to look at this. We can now quote your Life and Critical Illness insurance right here in the office. Stop avoiding it. If Santa can get through the medical questions, so can you.
Merry Christmas from the team at McDonald Agencies!
Legal Disclaimer: No fictional characters were harmed in the making of this blog post. McDonald Agencies did not actually sell a policy to Saint Nicholas, mostly because he lacks a valid Canadian birth certificate and we are unable to verify the date of birth "Long, Long Ago." This post is for entertainment and educational purposes only. Please do not attempt to slide down your own chimney to test your coverage